Are you feeling overwhelmed and helpless as your troubled teen spins out of control?

Is your teen boy or girl exhibiting any of the following behaviors?

• belligerence towards you and others (e.g. rudeness, aggressiveness, use of foul language, angry outbursts)
• delinquency (e.g. skipping school, trouble with authority)
• distant and withdrawn
• abusing drugs and/or alcohol
• hanging out with youth that are having a negative influence
• irrational and confusing behavior

E.L. – former teenager, Vancouver

When I was 16 and started working with Klaus, I was avoiding my problems which were stressing me out and making me feel worse. I was not very motivated and felt bad about myself. I would often get into conflict with my family as well. In my work with Klaus I dealt with my problems one step at a time and I felt a whole lot better about myself afterwards. He helped me look at myself in a safe and caring way. He helped me to grow and get out of my negative mind-set. I got back my motivation, self-esteem, and start moving forward in my life. As I took care of myself in the therapy process I noticed the weight I was carrying began to get lifted off me. I stopped yelling at my parents. We started to talk more which made me happier.

Parenting Teens Can Be a Trying Time for You and Your Family

If you are parenting a teen you may be feeling any of the following:

• alone and embarrassed to ask for help
• failure as a parent
• that it’s never enough no matter how much you give
• ashamed of your teenager’s behavior
• afraid your teen might be involved with drugs or other negative behaviors
• worried that your reactive behaviors are making matters worse
• fear that you are losing your relationship with your teen

It can be really rough trying to solve your troubled teen’s issues. You may feel exhausted from the continuing cycle of conflict and/or distancing. This can cause increase your frustration, anger, and sadness over your apparent inability to help your teenager because you don’t know what else to do.

There may be times when your relationship with your teen may be volatile and confusing. Or there may be times where you can’t seem to connect with your teen no matter how hard you try. You may long for that child you once knew. You may wonder where your loving and caring relationship went.

You desperately wish for things to change but another part of you may feel like giving up.

- Parent of teen

"I am so happy with our daughter's progress and overall state. Our relationship in the past week or two has been really fantastic. She talks about her friends and choices and life. I feel so much better about how she is doing and where she is going. I know that she still has much to explore and that she'll have to figure it out -- but I thank you for all you are doing. I feel your involvement has made a real difference to all of us."

Normal Adolescent behavior can be challenging even in the best case scenario – and can be even more difficult when crises or stressful events occur. When this happens, emotions such as anger, fear, sadness, shame, guilt, embarrassment, and hurt can get buried or avoided. In today’s modern society the attachment from youth to adults seems to be weakening or completely broken off. This is a common (although unhealthy) occurrence and just blaming yourself will not help the situation.

Feelings from the impact of divorce, death in the family, romantic break up, painful events, and stress can become internal time bombs. As teens become more closed off these hidden emotions eventually put more strain on your relationship and can lead to isolation, loneliness, frustration, and rage for everyone. Drugs and alcohol can bring temporary relief. Skipping school, and overly focusing on “good-time friends” can also be a way to escape painful and frightening thoughts and feelings.

Parenting a Teen Can Make You Feel Like Pulling Your Hair Out at Times, But You Can Turn Things Around…

It’s never too late to be of help to your teenage son or daughter. You can develop communication that is respectful and caring. You can find a way to spend time together that is enjoyable without conflict. You can learn how to help your son or daughter take responsibility for their actions.

It is possible to increase closeness with your teenager and encourage them to look to you for help and guidance. You will experience more peace as you increase trust with your teenager. Believe it or not, it’s possible that your adolescent may eventually want to spend some time at home with you, rather than always being out!

M.L. – former teenager, Vancouver	My parents had a hard time understanding me which was frustrating for everyone at times. Working with Klaus helped me to talk with my mother and father in a way that improved our relationship and their trust in me again.”

Yes, You Can Feel Good About Your Parent Teen Relationship Again

You can:

• increase your confidence and improve communication
• acquire a stronger connection with your teenager
• feel re-energized and an increased sense of hope for your whole family
• set boundaries appropriate for your teen
• regain a sense of mutual self-respect and caring
• be the parent that you really want to be

If your teen, family, or you could use counselling, please call for your free 10-minute consultation at 604-786-0709.

Klaus Klein, MA, RCC
Phone: 604-786-0709
E-mail: Klaus@kdkcounselling.com

KDK Counselling services for the Burnaby area.